Don't Drink the Water
by Merlin7 M.N. Talbert
Summary: When Major Sheppard and Doctor McKay sample a native drink, they get more than they bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Don't Drink the Water  
Series/status: Complete  
Author: Merlin7 and M.N. Talbert (aka Kodiak Bear Country)  
Genre: Adventure, humor, H/C  
Warnings: None  
Season/Spoilers: Set in season one  
Summary: When Major Sheppard and Doctor McKay sample a native drink, they get more than they bargained for.  
Archive: Ask! Otherwise, and SGAHC  
Disclaimer: We don't own them, we aren't paid for our fun, and our only hope is you enjoy reading the story as much as we enjoyed writing it!**

**AN: This was a fic we wrote a while back and posted on the SGAHC list. Its taken me a while to get it up here, but it is complete, and I'll be posting parts as fast as I can. **

**Don't Drink the Water**

"This is about as backwater as it gets," Mckay grouched. "Teyla, these people can't possibly have anything of use to Atlantis."

Teyla, who was walking beside Major Sheppard, smiled at the ground, knowing that Doctor McKay's irritation lie with the fact that they'd had to leave the Jumper home this trip out, and hike the five miles to the village. The native Iskalan people distrusted the technology. "They have food, Doctor, and eskalab."

"Eskalab?" Ford asked, puzzled.

Sheppard leaned towards Ford, whispering conspiratorially, "Think coffee, Ford, _very_ strong coffee."

"Again, you don't need an astrophysicist to gather agricultural stuff. Don't we have a horticulturist for that?"

Sheppard turned around, but continued walking forward, something that probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but he figured Teyla would catch him if he tripped. "Look, McKay, we've been through this before. You're a member of my team, and if we go out, you go out." _Share the love_, he thought wryly, because this glorified coffee run wasn't sitting well with him either.

"Cheer up, Doctor McKay, Teyla said the village has a fountain that is an amazing work of art and technology," Ford beamed. What he neglected to say, was that it was built off a hot spring, and the smell would knock you back a week. Sulfur at it's best. He couldn't wait to see the look on McKay's face when he caught the first whiff.

They fell into steady conversation ranging from the tall prairie like grasses that covered the ground, to the state of Kavanagh's obsession with the length of his ponytail. Soon, a little girl and boy came running alongside them, and the village crested in the horizon. Sheppard smiled, and offered an easy going "Hello".

The little girl smiled shyly back, and the little boy, the two may have been twins, grabbed him on the leg, eagerly tugging him towards the village. "Friendly, aren't they," he hollered back to the others, as the kids dragged him ahead of the rest.

Teyla laughed. "Very much so, Major."

Rodney shuddered. "Kids," he said woefully. "I don't like kids."

Ford clapped McKay on the back. "Don't worry, McKay. They don't like you much either."

"Ha ha."

"Get up here!" Sheppard shouted to his straggling team. The kids were still pulling him mercilessly towards the village center. He'd given up resisting and was going with the flow.

They were greeted warmly by the Iskalans, the leader, Jeram, was particularly pleased to see Teyla. "We thought your people were taken by the Wraith," Jeram said. "We tried to contact you for trade, and found your village empty, and destroyed."

Teyla hadn't been back since the culling. The culling that she, herself, had been captured in. She told Jeram about the disaster that had befallen her people, and how the people of Atlantis had rescued her and the others, and given them sanctuary. She left out the part where Major Sheppard woke the Wraith, setting them out against the galactic inhabitants earlier than most were prepared for.

Jeram was reserved, not overly distrustful, but cautious. "So you wish to trade, Major Sheppard?"

John tried to disengage one of the youngsters from his leg. "Yes, uh, Jeram. You see, we need food, and we've got a lot to offer."

"Like what, Major? Our people do not need the things you possess," Jeram was staring pointedly at the Major's P90 strapped to his chest.

Sheppard shifted uncomfortably. This was the part he kept screwing up. He looked to Teyla for rescue. She took Jeram's arm genially, and directed him towards a building she must have known about from her previous visits. "The people of Atlantis have medicines that would help your children, Jeram. They also can help with farming techniques. Could we discuss this elsewhere?"

McKay had remained uncharacteristically silent, and Sheppard saw why when he glanced back. Rodney was being stared down by the twins that had finally released Sheppard, and he was 

"McKay!" Sheppard shouted, stern. "Knock it off!"

Rodney flashed a guilty look that quickly changed to one of righteous indignation. "Major, you should've seen what that little "

Sheppard's face clouded like thunder, "McKay!"

"Major?" Teyla prodded, waiting with Jeram, who was smiling, appearing to enjoy the Major's predicament. _Great._

"We're coming, aren't we?" Sheppard stressed, more for McKay's benefit than anyone else.

Ford, taking pity on his commanding officer, grabbed Rodney's arm, as he went to follow the rest of the group into the building. "Coming," he called. "Be nice, Doctor McKay," Ford said under his breath. "Or you won't get your _eskalab_ beans." The threat wasn't an idle one, and Ford knew it. Everyone on Atlantis was well aware that McKay was working overtime in his lab searching for some way of producing a coffee alternative.

"Why is it," McKay hissed quietly, as they were hustled into chairs around an oblong table in the room, "That kids get to be as nasty as they want, and I've got to be _nice_?"

Sheppard had overhead his comment to Ford, and as he sat next to McKay, he whispered back, "Because they're _kids_, McKay." As John unhooked his weapon, to fit at the table better, he couldn't help but think this was going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

**DON'T DRINK THE WATER...part 2**

John allowed Teyla to work on the negotiations with Jeram. The building they had entered was Jeram's home and it was surprisingly large and well built. There was an area that was like a solarium and John gravitated towards it. The clear walls let in the sunlight and he let himself bask in it for a moment, until a hand touched his shoulder. He whirled around to find a young woman smiling at him. A very beautiful young woman. She was only a few inches shorter than he was and she had long, red hair. "Hi," John said in greeting, and he felt a bit gauche. The woman's smile was direct and intense upon him.

"I am Ailyn," she said after a moment. "And you are Teyla's companion, John Sheppard." She made it a statement, not a question.

"That's right," John replied. Then he was at a loss for words.

Ailyn reached for his arm, drawing him from the room. "My father has asked that you join him now."

The light bulb went on. "So you're Jeram's daughter."

"The oldest of six," Ailyn allowed. She led him back into the other room.

"Oh," John said, and then he fell silent because he realized the great room was suddenly overflowing with people. Kids and adults were scattered everywhere. He wondered who they were.

Ailyn seemed to read his mind. "This is my father's family. I also have four brothers and one sister. We all live here with our various families." As she spoke, Ailyn moved to scoop a baby girl off the floor then held her out to Sheppard.

Not knowing what else to do, and certainly not wanting to be rude, John accepted the baby. Instinctively he held her cradled against his hip. She looked to be about a year old. And the only reason he knew what he was doing was because he had helped his high school girlfriend to babysit on many a Friday night. "What's her name?" he asked, just for something to say. Ailyn was staring at him again and it was making him uncomfortable.

"Her name is Dahlia."

"Pretty name." The baby seemed to recognize that he was talking about her. She patted John's face with a chubby hand and he laughed and grabbed it to blow a raspberry in her palm. When she giggled, he giggled with her. Then he looked around, sheepishly, to see if anyone had noticed. Just his luck, McKay was staring at him with a smug expression. Which disappeared when a little boy ran up to Rodney and stomped on his foot. John winced in sympathy then turned to Ailyn to offer the baby back, but she had disappeared. John sighed, taking Dahlia with him as he went to Rodney's aid.

OoO

Teyla and Jeram had come to a trade agreement. Medicines and farming techniques in exchange for the eskalab beans. Now they were watching the other team members mingling with Jeram's family. Jeram was particularly focused on Sheppard with the baby. "He will make a good father," he stated.

"Yes...I am sure he will," Teyla allowed.

"Ailyn is drawn to him. They look well together."

Teyla hid a wince. "Yes...they do." She tried to change the subject. "Shall we conclude the transaction?"

Jeram nodded. "The binding clause is that Major Sheppard must bring the medicine and oversee things himself."

"I will have to discuss that with him in detail, but I am sure we can reached an amenable agreement," Teyla stated.

"Of course." Jeram looked pleased. "Now I ask that you stay for the binding feast so that we may show proper honor to the agreement made between us."

Teyla nodded, for she knew that all trade agreements were ended with such a feast. It was how the Iskalans considered a trade pact to be binding. "I will tell the others."

Jeram smiled. "When you are ready we will show you where to freshen up." And with that he was gone.

Teyla sighed and went off to tell Major Sheppard the news.

OoO

The feast was a huge affair. And one that Lieutenant Ford was missing. John had sent him back to the gate to update Weir, and Ford had asked to remain at the gate. The last event he had been forced to attend had been with the Genii, and he had a bad taste in his mouth over that one still. 

So John, Teyla and McKay stayed to celebrate. For once, Rodney wasn't whining.

In fact, he was smiling as he joined John and Teyla at their table. He had to sit on Sheppard's left because Ailyn was stuck to the major's right side. Rodney could see how uncomfortable Sheppard was with Ailyn's attention and he was so going to tease him about it, unmercifully, later. But for now he was enjoying himself. "The food is incredible," Rodney exclaimed, as he took a big bite of something that looked like a pancake, but tasted like ham.

"Glad you're enjoying yourself, Rodney," John drawled. He would be enjoying himself as well if Ailyn would keep her hand off his thigh. And it kept creeping upward. It was hard to complain about it when Jeram was sitting just a few feet away, watching them.

"It is time to drink to our successful binding," Jeram announced, as he rose to his feet and held up one of the glasses on the table. Others had come around just moments ago to fill everyone's glass with an amber colored liquid. "All drink in honor of this gift from the watchers," he said in a loud voice. Then he drained his glass before thumping it back down on the table.

Rodney was frowning. "Watchers?" he asked, looking at Teyla.

She made a face. "Those who watch over the Iskalans. Like your God or Buddha." Teyla remembered what she had learned of Earth's culture from Weir and Sheppard and various others.

"Figures," Rodney groused, but he lifted his glass and drained it none the less. "Hey...good stuff." 

"You must drink," Teyla said to Sheppard, before she drained her own glass.

So John drank and it was very good. But the moment he set his glass down he felt Ailyn's hand creeping up his thigh again. It was going to be a very long night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Don't Drink the Water…part three**

Sheppard was standing outside, having escaped the meeting, and Ailyn, for a small amount of peace. They had drank to the Watcher's, and then Jeram had had them drink to the babies, the crops, and even to the team from Atlantis.

He hoped the festivities were winding down because he was worried that if they ate or drank anything else, he'd fall down and wouldn't be able to get up. He sighed. It was probably rude to stay out for long, but he was loath to go back. He felt like some boy toy, and was tired of being groped, whether by accident or design, by the she-wolf that Ailyn was turning out to be.

What a job description. Strategize plans on saving a galaxy, and the occasional need to put up with alien groping. Oh, and by the way, we're going to pay you a pittance.

"Major?"

John cringed. Ailyn. He schooled his features into an enigmatic smile, and turned to face her. "Ailyn," he said.

"My father was wondering where you went? Is everything all right? Did we bore you?"

She actually looked anxious. "No, not at all," he stumbled; knowing that to screw up the trade at this point would be bad. "It's fine. I just…needed some fresh air."

She smiled, and this time the anxiety melted away into a soft, seductive look. "I see."

Oh, shit. She thought he came out here hoping she'd follow, and they could…get it on. "Uh," Sheppard backpedaled, as she stalked forward towards him. "The…the trade is…going good, don't you think?"

She drew up close, and pulled his jacket down, leaning in for a lingering kiss. "Yes, it is," she murmured, trailing a path of kisses down his chin, aiming for the soft curve of Sheppard's neck.

_God_, McKay was right, he was Captain Kirk, the only difference, Kirk wanted the girls, and he, on the other hand, would rather not be this adventurous, at least not without getting to know them a little more.

A loud cough caused Ailyn to pull back, and a very flushed Sheppard thanked the stars above, until the voice spoke, "Not to interrupt anything, but Jeram is ready for the final binding, _Captain_," McKay jibed.

Sheppard had a swift thought of grabbing Ailyn, and bending her over for a long, hard kiss, just to piss McKay off further, but instead he straightened his jacket, and pushed Ailyn to the side, albeit with politeness. "I'll be right there, _Doctor_," he said.

Ailyn was looking at him confused. "Captain? I thought you said…"

"I am, it's a private joke," Sheppard explained awkwardly. Wow, he was really flushed. His face felt ten sides of hot. "Shall we?" he held out his arm, and she wrapped one of hers with his.

OoO

The leader, Jeram, had finished off the ceremonies with one final drink of whatever that stuff was, and the group had begun to disperse for the night. Jeram had another daughter, Seleya, who had a thing for Rodney, and now the tables were turned, and Sheppard was taking a lot of enjoyment with the shoe being on the other foot.

Sheppard sidled up to McKay, "You look hot, McKay, something wrong?"

He'd seen Seleya give McKay something a lot more than a proprietary kiss. Ailyn had been distracted by her baby daughter, and had to attend to her child, leaving Sheppard free to make an escape. Now Rodney was in the position of extracting himself from an alien woman's clutches.

They said their goodbyes, and Seleya yanked McKay into a crushing grip, extracting a long, promising kiss that Sheppard was certain involved tongue. Then the long trek back to the gate, five miles, in darkening skies, and with more than heavy guts filled with food and drink.

"The one time Ford stays back, and look at what happens. The native women wanted a lot more than medicine and farming techniques," Sheppard joked.

Teyla arched an eyebrow at McKay and Sheppard, both of whom were grinning from ear to ear, now that they'd managed to escape without being taken for a romp in the hay. It was one thing to be flattered by the attention, another thing to actually let go the strings of morality, and do something you might later regret. For all they knew, sleeping with the woman might have meant you were married on this world.

"It's not such a surprise that these women recognized a good thing when they saw it," McKay said smugly.

Teyla was smiling for entirely different reasons. "I believe their attention was due more to the fact that the number of men that the women are not related to is very few."

"Spoilsport," Sheppard teased.

McKay stripped off his jacket, tugging at the collar of his baby blue shirt. "Is it hot, or is it me?" he asked, wiping at his forehead.

"It's hot," John replied.

"It's you," Teyla said at the same time.

Sheppard and McKay were both sweating, and Teyla fought to hold back the shivers from the crisp night air. "I assure you, it is not hot," she said, and now she was frowning at the two men who were clearly not only warm, but overly so.

That should've sent off warning bells somewhere in Sheppard's mind, but it didn't. In retrospect, the thought that maybe that drink was more than just a local version of apple cider should have occurred to him, but it didn't. The fact was, he was feeling pretty damn happy all things considered.

"Maybe you should've hitched up with an Iskalan guy to warm you up!" McKay suggested.

John saw the gate, and Ford kicked back beside the DHD, in the distance. He depressed the radio, not catching the very dirty look Teyla was giving McKay. "Ford, we'll be there in ten, get ready to dial it up," he ordered. Then turned to Teyla, "You really should lighten up. You don't always have to be the remote Athosian leader. Let your hair down, kick back, have a good time."

"My hair _is_ down," Teyla said, and the tone of her voice was frosty with warning.

"It's a saying, it means to relax." Sheppard didn't realize the hole he was digging.

"I understood what you meant." Teyla left no doubt that she was displeased with the Major and McKay.

Sheppard had a momentary thought that maybe the drink had affected them more than he'd thought. Truthfully, he felt a little over exuberant, perhaps a little _tipsy_. It was bound to happen, a little drink, he'd have to remember that in the future, but for now, he couldn't understand why Teyla was being a stick in the mud. It had been a fun night.

"Come on McKay, let's race to the gate, we'll leave Miss Priss to her uptight ways," and Sheppard started into a dead run, with McKay hot on his heels.

Teyla couldn't help the shot of hurt at his words, but then the riding thought was something wasn't quite right. This wasn't normal for the Major, or Doctor McKay. She stared at their backs, watching them run up, and tackle Ford, who went down to the ground in a mass of limbs and backpacks. Something was _definitely_ not right.


	4. Chapter 4

  
Don't Drink the Water…Part four 

They crossed over into Atlantis. Ford and Teyla entered through the gate first, exchanging looks and shaking their heads.

Elizabeth came down the steps to greet them. "How did it go?"

Teyla sighed and answered, "It went very well. The agreement is binding and we can pick up our first shipment of beans in a few days."

"Good, very good." Elizabeth was pleased. But then she frowned as she stared at the gate. "Where are Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay?"

"They were right behind us," Ford replied, looking back at the puddle, when suddenly, the two missing individuals sauntered through the gate.

Elizabeth stared at the sight before her. Sheppard and McKay had their arms draped over each other's shoulders and were singing _row, row, row your boat_. Loudly. She looked at Ford. "What happened?"

Ford shrugged. "I haven't got a clue."

"Teyla?" Elizabeth prompted, turning to the other woman. 

"I do not know either," Teyla replied. "Nothing unusual happened at the festival."

Elizabeth sighed and strode over to the giggling duo. They ignored her and kept singing. "They look drunk."

Ford joined her. "Act it too," he agreed.

"Take them to the infirmary, Lieutenant," Weir ordered. "Let Beckett deal with them."

"Yes, ma'am." Ford nodded then moved to escort his CO and McKay away.

OoO

"Where are we going?" John asked, when he realized they were no longer in the gate room. He and McKay had finally wound down from their song.

"To see Dr. Beckett," Ford replied.

McKay pouted. "I don't want to see him. He's mean to me. He likes to use big needles."

John snorted. "That's your own fault, you big baby. He just does that to scare you. And because you whine to much."

"I don't whine!" Rodney stamped his foot and his knees buckled and he tumbled over, falling into Ford and sending them both to the ground in a tangle of limbs.

John fell against the wall, laughing.

Rodney glared at him. "Help me up!"

But John had other ideas. There was something he had always wanted to do and he had talked to Zelenka about it, and now was as good a time as any. "See you later!" he shouted, before pushing away from the wall and sprinting off.

"Where are you going?" Rodney called after him. If Sheppard was off to have fun, he wanted to join him. So Rodney rolled onto his hands and knees and stood up, intending to follow. Only to find his arm snagged in an iron grip. "Let go!" he ordered Ford.

"Not happening," Ford replied, and he hauled McKay off, cursing and whining all the way to the infirmary.

OoO

Elizabeth rubbed at her temples and she listened to Beckett's diagnosis on McKay's condition. She had sent Ford, Teyla and Bates on a hunt for

Sheppard, who was still missing. "So you're saying they're drunk?"

"Sort of." Carson sighed and rubbed his own temples. "Stoned is more appropriate a term for it."

"Great. How long will it last and how did they get this way to begin with?"

Carson shrugged at her. "I have no clue. Sorry. Maybe Teyla could help us with the how."

Elizabeth nodded. "I'll call her back in. Is Sheppard dangerous?"

"Well...I can't really say. I mean so far Rodney has just shown himself to be giggly and energetic. Playful. I don't know if that will turn to violence or not." Carson was not a happy man. "Just get Sheppard in here as soon as you can. If he does turn violent, God help us all."

"I hear you." Elizabeth shuddered at the thought, because they all knew just how dangerous Sheppard could be. She smiled tiredly at Carson and headed out.

Carson went back to studying Rodney's bloodwork.

OoO

Rodney was pissed. He tugged at the restraints binding him to the bed and cursed Carson for the thousandth time.

"Pssst...McKay!"

"Who's there?"

John appeared from the shadows. "Me, you idiot. Be quiet!" He moved to Rodney's side and started undoing the restraints. "You didn't think I was gonna leave you here, did you?"

Rodney glared at him. "Hell yes! And it's not fair!"

"Well, I'm here now, so come on!"

"Where are we going?" Rodney asked, as he slid off the bed and followed Sheppard out the back door.

John turned to grin at him when they reached the corridor. "Ever been skateboarding?" he asked.

Rodney frowned. "Skateboarding?" he echoed. "Um...no. It's dangerous."

"Its fun!" John clapped Rodney on the shoulder. "Come on...Zelenka helped me make a board and it's time to test it. I hid it in the jumper bay."

"I'm hungry," Rodney complained.

John sighed. "Okay...we'll stop at the storehouse first and get some grub." That said he took off running.

McKay followed. "Wait for me!"


	5. Chapter 5

  
Don't Drink the Water…part five 

"That's enough!" McKay shouted, arms overflowing.

Sheppard and McKay had snuck into one of the storage rooms. The one that had the nonperishables like power bars, and drink mixes. John had then cracked open a box, and started shoving handfuls of the bars at McKay, who quickly became incapable of holding anymore.

John stood back, appreciating his accomplishment. "That should hold you," he said happily.

"That could hold an army," McKay replied, letting the excess drop to the floor, crinkling and banging, the sounds echoing in the room.

Sheppard winced, "Shhhhhh, we're supposed to be in stealth mode."

"Stealth mode?" McKay looked at Sheppard like he'd lost his mind. "We're not in a video game, it's called 'be quiet'."

Sheppard looked disappointed that McKay wasn't appreciating his humor. "Why do you have to always be so serious?"

"Why do you…" McKay stopped, his mouth hanging open, which he snapped shut after a moment. "I'm not always serious!" he said defensively.

"Yes, you are."

"Hello, personal shield, remember?" McKay let another power bar drop to the ground. "I let you shoot me!"

Sheppard put a hand on his hip and stared Rodney down, "That's because you knew it'd keep you safe. No sense of adventure at all."

McKay ripped a wrapper open, shoving a mouthful of food in his mouth. "I'll show you adventure," he said, trying to speak despite the obstacle of chewing. "Get that skateboard, I'll show you what I can do."

A boyish grin spread across the Major's face like butter on bread. "Let's go, McKay, and may the best man…skate."

OoO

Elizabeth Weir was standing in the infirmary, and she was anything but happy. "Are you telling me, that not only is the Major still out there, drugged with something, but you allowed him to get McKay out of the infirmary…out from under your very noses?"

Bates shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, Ma'am," he said, his jaw working with the obvious displeasure of his position.

"I don't believe this!" she swore. She held a hand across her chest, pausing a moment to gather her thoughts, before facing Bates again. "Find them, now, before this situation gets worse."

"Yes, Ma'am!" Bates snapped out in prime military order, and all that was missing was the salute. Weir wasn't sure if that was out of respect for her position, or his attempt at sarcasm. Whatever it was, as long as he did his job.

Just then, Weir was distracted by Carson striding into the infirmary, Teyla right behind. "I think we've got it!"

"What's wrong, the cure, what?" Elizabeth asked, frustrated.

Carson smiled, "Yes, and yes," he gestured at Teyla. "From what Teyla said, they all ingested a good amount of this drink. All except Ford, who stayed at the gate, so I ran some tests. There's a component in McKay's blood that isn't in Teyla's. If I'm right, she has an immunity to a compound in the drink."

"How do you know it's from a drink, and that they weren't drugged?"

Teyla stepped forward, "I assure you, the Iskalans are a good people, and I was with them the entire time. This was not an intentional attack against the Major and Doctor McKay."

Elizabeth wanted to believe Teyla, but their little run-in with the Genii had taught her a lesson in not trusting so easily. "You think you can create some type of antidote?"

Beckett was shaking his head. "Not necessary, if I'm right, it'll wear off."

"How long?"

Here Beckett appeared uncomfortable. "Aye, that's the question of the week. I don't know. And I also am not certain of what effect it'll have."

Elizabeth tossed her hands in the air, "Drunk apparently!"

"For now, certainly, long-term, I don't know. I need them here, Elizabeth," Carson stressed.

Teyla agreed. "I'll join Aiden in searching for them." She nodded a quick goodbye, and exited the infirmary.

Weir wanted to stay, search, do something, but she had a million other issues waiting for her attention. She frowned, unhappy with the situation as a whole. "Keep me posted," she ordered, and left before she wound up staying anyway. She hoped the security team was having better luck.

OoO

"No, McKay, you aren't doing it right! Stick your arms out for balance," Sheppard scolded Rodney, as he wobbled down the hallway on the skateboard.

McKay, for his part, was perfectly content with his ability. He wasn't on his ass, so he considered it a success. "This isn't so hard," he said.

Sheppard jogged up behind him, and gave him a great big push, "Now see how hard it is!"

Rodney quickly lost his balance, and the skateboard shot out from under him, and he went one way, and the board went the other. He hit the ground, hard. "What was that for?" he snarled, feeling like a kid who had just had their sandcastle kicked over by the neighborhood bully.

"You said it wasn't hard, I wanted to show you it is."

McKay took Sheppard's offered hand, and got to his feet, swaying from a dizziness that surprised him. "I would've believed you."

Sheppard snorted. "Bull, you don't believe anyone."

"That's not true, occasionally," Rodney argued. "Sometimes, I've even believed you."

Sheppard put a hand dramatically over his heart. "I'm touched, McKay. Really, you've got me right here!" and he staggered against the wall, acting like he was hit with an arrow.

Rodney rolled his eyes, "You're so immature."

John pushed himself back up, surprised by the fall against the wall. That hadn't been planned. His world had suddenly taken a turn to the right, and he'd found himself falling over, with the wall stopping his fall. Whatever it was, it'd passed, and his feet were steady again.

They had fallen quiet, a feat in itself, when they heard voices hollering down the corridor, coming their way. Sheppard grabbed McKay's shirt, and propelled him forward, "Quick," he hissed. "Hide!"


	6. Chapter 6

  
Don't Drink the Water…Part six 

They had been skateboarding in one of the corridors in an unexplored, as of yet, section of Atlantis, and now John pushed Rodney towards the nearest door. "In!" he hissed.

Rodney waved his hand over the panel even as he dove forward. Only the door didn't open and his nose connected with it, hard. "OW!" Rodney howled, only to find a hand clamped over his mouth.

"Shhh!" John hissed in Rodney's ear. He had seen the collision and was sympathetic, but they couldn't risk getting caught. Only, the voices were getting louder, the footsteps closer. So he waved his hand over the panel, making a little wish as he did so and, thankfully it whooshed open. John shoved Rodney inside and _thought_ the door closed. It snapped closed, startling him a bit, and soon after they heard voices right outside the door.

"Nothing in section 3 - 8," Ford stated, as he glanced around the empty corridor.

A voice came over his earpiece. "Move to the next section."

Ford sighed. "Copy that." Then he moved off, shaking his head and muttering, "Where the hell are you hiding, major?"

Meanwhile, inside the room, Rodney was huddled in a corner, holding his nose and whimpering.

John had been listening at the door, and he had heard Ford moving off. So now he joined McKay. "How's your nose?"

"Id hurbs." Rodney's reply was muffled by his hands over his face.

"Let me see." Gently, John pried Rodney's hands down and away and he winced. "Ouch. Does it feel broken?"

Rodney glared at him. "I don't know!" he snapped, then whimpered because it hurt.

John sighed. "We need ice." He got up and looked around, wishing he could see better. It was dark in the room . And even as he had the thought, the lights came on. "Cool." This was the part of having the magic gene that he liked.

"Wow!" Rodney was on his feet, his nose forgotten as he gazed around in delight. "Do you know what this is?"

"No...do you?" John didn't have a clue. But it looked like there were lots of neat toys to play with. In fact, there were rows and rows of gizmos and gadgets lined up on tables and hooked on the walls. And at the very center of it all was a podium with hand prints. John stared for a moment then looked at McKay. "Okay...I give. What is this?"

Rodney shrugged. "I have no clue, but I bet it's important."

John nodded in agreement. "Think it's Ancient weapons? That would be cool for fighting the Wraith." He spotted something on the end of one table and dashed over to pick it up. "Way cool! This looks like a power blaster!"

"A what?" Rodney asked, then he was running over and waving a hand at Sheppard. "Put that down before you hurt someone. Like me." He gingerly touched his nose as he spoke.

"You are so not fun!" John replied, pouting. But he put it down. "Come on, Rodney. Don't you want to play with these things?"

Rodney sighed. "We don't know what they do."

John grinned. "Only way to find out is to try them out."

"True. Scientifically it's all about testing and experimentation." Rodney was almost smiling as he spoke. 

"What shall we try first?" John prompted, knowing that Rodney really did want to play.

Rodney walked over to the podium. "Well...I imagine this will either tell us how things work or fire things up," he stated. He studied the hand prints for a moment then pressed his palms to them. 

John watched then looked around, waiting for something to happen. After a moment he sighed. "Nothing."

"You try," Rodney countered. He was disappointed that nothing had happened, but he was hopeful that Sheppard could trigger a reaction. He usually could.

"Okay." John was more than willing to try. He stepped over to the podium and was about to touch the hand prints when Rodney shouted at him to stop. John glared at him. "Why?"

Rodney was backing away to the farthest corner of the room he could find. "I don't want anything to go off and hit me, or something," he called out. "Okay...now try it!" He waved at Sheppard.

John sighed then he pressed his hands into the prints and waited.

"WELL?" Rodney shouted.

"I got nothing!" John shouted back. But even as he spoke the podium lit up and he felt a tingly heat in his palms. "Wait...now I got something."

Rodney was about to get up and join him when the room was lit by a flash of white light. He shielded his eyes, but it faded fast. Rodney looked over to Sheppard, who was just standing there. "You okay?" Rodney asked, as he moved closer, cautiously.

John turned to look at him, blinked, then whispered, "Uh oh."

Rodney watched in horror as Sheppard crumpled to the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

And Now…part seven 

The power dropped all over the city, lights flickering off in a wave of a blackout, beginning from Sheppard and McKay's position and moving outward. Peter Grodin had a mere second to notice where it originated from, before his console deadened like the rest of Atlantis.

When Weir exited her office in a confused and bewildered air of '_what next_', Grodin informed her of his discovery, and she dispatched the nearby double man team of Ford and Teyla, who had been out searching for the two missing individuals.

Meanwhile, McKay was frantically slapping Sheppard's face trying to rouse the man. Sheppard stirred, reaching clumsily to stop McKay's incessant hitting. "M'up," slurred John.

"Major, I think we've done something very bad," McKay whined.

Sheppard eyed Rodney with a dopey stare. "We?"

"Fine, you then." And McKay seemed quite pleased with himself at the turnabout.

"It was your idea!"

Ford and Teyla rushed in the room, interrupting them. "There you are Major, and Doctor McKay."

Sheppard appeared very disappointed that their grand adventure had come to an abrupt end. "Leave us alone, we're not hurting anyone, just having some fun." And seeing a grown officer in the United States military pout was something Ford didn't think he'd ever see, at least not to this degree.

"Major?" he asked, uncertainly.

Teyla reached for Sheppard's arm, addressing Ford as she did so. "I believe they are still under the influence of…whatever it was in their drink that affected them so."

"We're not _influenced_," McKay refuted, but then fell over his own feet as he tried to stand.

Sheppard started laughing at McKay, and McKay tackled Sheppard because he didn't think it was very funny, which caused Teyla and Ford to get involved and try to separate the two brawling men…in the dark, only illuminated by some small amount of emergency lighting that seemed to glow from areas in the floor.

"What is with you two?" Ford snarled, after taking a cuff in the jaw.

Sheppard reached for McKay, despite the hold Ford had on him, and he said out of the corner of his mouth, "Sir!"

Ford frowned. "Sir, what?"

"What is with you two, Sir, Lieutenant!" Sheppard reminded Ford who was the ranking officer, something that was amusing considering the circumstances.

Ford grinned at the irony of the situation. "Yes, Sir."

Sheppard straightened, well, tried to straighten but he wound up leaning more on Ford than he'd admit. "I don't like your tone, Lieutenant." He said, taking his irritation off McKay and placing it on Ford.

McKay, quickly picking up that the tides had changed, buddied up with Sheppard. "That's right, what are you implying, Lieutenant," he stopped fighting Teyla to get at John.

Ford, realizing he'd made a critical error in judgment, turned to Teyla, and said, "Time to change tactics," and he grabbed for the stunner that had fallen on the ground earlier.

Now, Sheppard and McKay backed away, together, staring wide-eyed at Ford and Teyla who stood off, blocking their escape. "Now, what say we take a trip to the infirmary, _Sir_," Ford drawled, emphasizing the Sir.

Sheppard smiled convincingly, but McKay got the elbow in his ribs to show all wasn't complacent in the Major's camp. "Sure, we can do that, right McKay?" and ironically enough, he even winked, sort of spoiling the James Bond moment.

Still, Ford gestured with the stunner for the two to exit the room first, and they were followed out by Ford and Teyla. They hadn't gone far when Sheppard elbowed McKay again, strongly, too strongly because Rodney went down. And hence ended the big escape, because as Sheppard reached down to lift Rodney up for them to make a break for it, he fell over on top of McKay.

Ford radioed for assistance, and after much chaos, Sheppard and McKay found themselves firmly ensconced in the infirmary, under guard.

Later… 

Elizabeth and Doctor Zelenka stood beside the beds where Sheppard and McKay were sitting. They were juggling blown up surgical gloves, and creating new limericks based off of bodily functions that made Elizabeth glare harder.

"Major, I need you to focus, please. You touched something, what was it?"

Sheppard had degenerated from whatever the compound in the drink was, and he and McKay both resembled hyperactive adolescents, with balance issues. "I touched something?"

Elizabeth closed her eyes, and counted to ten…no, make that twenty. "Rodney," she said, opening them again. "What did you two touch?"

"Why, Elizabeth, I have no idea whatsoever, now, if you'd be so kind as to excuse us…" Rodney grinned smugly, pleased with his fawning polite answer.

If the two had been in their right mind, they would've feared for their lives when this was over, instead, Sheppard batted a particularly bulging glove over Weir's head, and McKay made a leap for it, and the glove exploded as Rodney's hand made contact, and the shaving cream they'd filled the gloves with oozed down her face, and over her hair.

Carson had the unfortunate luck of choosing that moment to walk in the infirmary, papers in hand from the latest round of bloodwork, being done with cobbled together power supplies because they still had yet to figure out how to fix whatever the two had done to Atlantis's systems.

Elizabeth fixed a steely-eyed glare that froze Beckett to the core. "Fix them," she ordered, and stormed out, not even looking back to hear what Beckett had to report.

Carson sighed, dejected, and regarded the two grinning and slightly tilted objects of his concern. "Probably, you shouldn't have done that," he said, wincing at the stern look she'd given him as she'd left. "Aye," he muttered more to himself. "I think when this is over, I'm taking a long vacation. I don't care where…" he drifted off as he headed for his office to compare previous results.


	8. Chapter 8

  
Don't Drink the Water…part eight 

John and Rodney laughed until they cried over Elizabeth doused in shaving cream. And it wasn't until Rodney started hiccupping that they noticed Beckett had come back, and was standing there, tapping his foot.

"Uh oh," John muttered to Rodney. "I think you're in trouble."

"Me?" Rodney was astonished. "Why me? I didn't do anything. It wasn't my fault --"

"SILENCE!" Carson thundered, making both men jump. And he was right pleased when they fell quiet and simply stared at him. "Now...we're going to run a few more tests, laddies."

Rodney wasn't having that. More tests meant more needles and he hated needles. "No way!" he shouted, and then he made a run for the door. Only to be grabbed by one of the marines guarding the exit. Rodney didn't think, he kicked out and nailed the guy in the groin.

John wasn't about to let Rodney hightail it to freedom without him, so he jumped off his bed and ran over to help. When the second marine tried to grab him, John ducked then popped back up, slamming the heel of his hand into the guy's nose, making his head snap back and blood spout. John then grabbed for the gun holstered on the marine's thigh. He had the safety off and the gun pointed at Carson, who had been advancing on them. "You leave Rodney alone!" John shouted.

"Major...put the gun down," Carson beseeched him. He knew this was going to be bad if he couldn't get Sheppard disarmed. And the marines weren't going to be much help. One was curled up on the floor, holding himself, the other was bent over, holding his nose, with blood gushing from between his fingers. Carson had to fight the urge to go to them. He had to deal with Sheppard first.

"Can't do that," John said, his voice cold. No one was allowed to mess with Rodney, other than himself. 

Rodney was scared but eager to escape. He grabbed Sheppard's free arm. "Come on...let's go already before they call in the reinforcements."

John nodded. "Move out," he ordered, sidling back to follow Rodney. "Don't move, doc," he warned Carson, as he made it a point to cock the gun. Then he was out the door and running.

"Bloody hell!" Carson hissed, even as he clicked his earpiece. "Dr. Weir...we've got a problem," he announced. Then he winced as he explained what happened.

OoO

"Where to?" Rodney asked as they ran. "They're going to come after us."

"I know." John was trying to think. "We need to go to a section no one knows about."

Rodney grinned. "I know where to go. It hasn't been mapped out yet. I just discovered it in fact. And guess what?"

John could see that Rodney was excited and that pleased him for some reason. "What?"

"It's below sea level."

"Really?" John was intrigued. "Where? Show me."

A huge smile threatened to split Rodney's face. "This way." He started running and led Sheppard down several corridors, only to stop in front of a transporter door looking crestfallen. "Nothing works. We can't use the transporters and that's the only way to get down there," he pouted.

John bit his lip as he considered their predicament. "Move over," he said, pushing Rodney aside. Then he reached out and pressed a hand against the transporter door. It lit up and a moment later it slid open.

"How did you do that?" Rodney asked, looking stunned.

"I kinda willed it to open," John replied, a bit sheepishly. "Wasn't sure if it would work. Come on." He herded Rodney inside. The door slid closed. "Now where too?"

Rodney studied the panel then tapped a point. "Hang on." he was smiling again.

John leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling dizzy. "Uh...Rodney?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't feel so good." In fact, John felt like shit all of the sudden. His vision was graying out and his legs felt like rubber.

Rodney grabbed Sheppard by the shoulders as he started to slide sideways. "What's wrong? Major?"

But John didn't answer. Darkness had claimed him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Don't Drink the Water…part nine**

"Doctor Weir, I think we've fixed it!" Zelenka crowed, in synchrony, the city powered up. "It was a power overload, Major Sheppard triggered some kind of device that is malfunctioning."

Elizabeth could care less the why, she was relieved with the fact that the city had power restored, and could get back to some semblance of normalcy…that is if they could ever locate Rodney and John. They'd been missing for over an hour, and she was getting worried.

She depressed the radio in her ear, "Sergeant Bates, have you located Doctor McKay and Major Sheppard?" she kept the yet off the end. It wasn't the security chief's fault that the two were loose in the city, again.

When they caught them, they would be placed in restraints until this issue was resolved. She knew it was going to wear off, and she prayed it was sooner rather than later. Her patience, and nerves, were wearing thin.

"No Ma'am, we have not." Replied Bates, and he didn't sound too happy about it.

"I see, keep looking." Weir tapped her comm off, and sat with her hands crossed. "Where are you two?" she asked to no one but herself and the air around her.

Meanwhile… 

McKay had been overjoyed with the power had come on. He tried to lift Sheppard when the transporter took them back to the right corridor, back towards the infirmary. As much as he was afraid to go back, he was more worried for Sheppard.

"Come on, Major, you need to give me some help here," he whined, tugging on the Major's arms.

Sheppard remained out for the count, not even stirring. McKay wasn't feeling so good. Matter of fact, he was feeling like one of those rubber chickens. He gave John's arm another futile tug, before slipping to the floor himself. "Oh crap," he swore, before things started going gray. The last thing he was aware of was shouting, and he saw feet, running at him sideways. Then his eyes slid shut, and he didn't know anything.

Later, in the infirmary… 

John opened his eyes, and blinked. It was bright, and the shaft of pain it sent into his head caused him to wince. He lifted his hand, trying to block the light, but found he couldn't move his wrist. He frowned, and tried again. Nothing.

"It won't do you any good, Major. You and Rodney have led us on one to many chases, and ye'll be spending the remaining of your detox in restraints," informed Beckett, with a touch too much enthusiasm.

Okay, that pissed Sheppard off, because he felt fine. "I'm fine."

"Sure you are," beamed Carson, with his best 'not falling for that' face. "Now be a good lad, and lay there quietly. I can't use a sedative because of any reaction to the mixed drugs."

"I'm not tricking you. Whatever was wrong, it's gone now." Sheppard was trying to remember what had landed him in this fix in the first place. The last thing he recalled, they'd been drinking with the Iskalans, celebrating the mutual trade, and that daughter had been all over him like soy sauce on rice. Considering his predicament, he wasn't sure confessing to the memory loss was the wisest course of action.

A thought did stick out with him, though. "McKay?" He strained to see around him as much as he could, he thought he saw a lump in a nearby bed.

"Aye, he's here," Beckett said, and Carson's eyes strayed to that lump, confirming it was McKay. "He's still out from whatever this is." And for the first time Sheppard could detect the frustration in Beckett.

"Doc, I'm not lying. I feel fine." He tried again, using his best 'I'm normal' voice. How do you prove to someone that you are really okay, after you've apparently done something bad enough to call for restraints? When someone had the answer, Sheppard hoped they'd share, because somehow he didn't think his assertions were going to cut it, at least not for now.

Beckett must have sensed his sincerity, for he gave John a forlorn look. "Wish I could believe you, but for now, you'll stay tucked tight. Get some rest, Major." He gave John a reassuring touch on his shoulder, before leaving.

John thought about hollering to be released but figured that wouldn't help his case any. And oddly, he did feel tired. He closed his eyes, telling himself, it would just be a few minutes. Before he knew it, he was out like a light.


	10. Chapter 10

  
Don't Drink the Water…part ten 

When John woke up again, he remembered everything that he and Rodney had done. A part of him didn't want to wake up because he knew Weir was going to kick their collective asses. But he didn't want to stay in the infirmary either, since he could tell he was still in restraints. So John opened his eyes and called out, "Beckett!" His voice was little more than a croak. John coughed and tried to swallow around the dryness. A moment later one of nurses appeared and gave him some water. John thanked her then asked, "Where's Beckett?"

"He'll be here in a minute," she told him.

"Where's Rodney?" John looked over at the other bed and the lump was gone.

Carson strode in just in time to answer that question himself. "I released him this morning. He checked out fine. Bit of a headache so I sent him to rest in his room."

John felt relief wash over him. "So whatever was making us act out is gone?" he prompted.

"Seems to be." Carson was smiling. "I'll need to do another exam, major, but if all checks out I can release you to your room in a couple of hours."

"I'll settle for being released from these things for now," John stated, as he tugged on the restraints.

Carson narrowed his gaze at him, as if considering, then he nodded. "Guess I can trust you."

John thanked him as Beckett freed him. Then he rubbed his wrists. "So when can you start the tests. I want out of here."

"We'll start right now. I just need to draw some blood." Even as Carson spoke, the nurse was handing him a syringe.

"I think you were a vampire in another life," John groused, but he wasn't really complaining. He watched Beckett draw the blood then asked, "Can I shower and get something to eat while I wait?"

Carson nodded. "That you can, but I'm going to keep a guard on you, just to play it safe."

John frowned at that. "Why? Do you think I'll have a relapse or something?"

"No...not really," Carson replied. "Basically, you were intoxicated, Major. On a major...high...so to speak. But it should be out of your system by now, just like it's out of Rodney's. Go ahead and shower, I'm going to start those tests." With that he was gone.

"Great...I came to the Pegasus galaxy and got stoned." John shook his head as he slid out of bed, then he smiled at the Marine who stood watching him. It was going to be a long couple of hours.

OoO

Beckett had finally released John. First thing he did was return to his room and change into his own clothes. Then he stretched out on his bed and read for a while, fighting off slumber. He was surprised to feel so tired and he tried to fight it. But, eventually, he succumbed to the darkness, only to awaken later by a pounding on the door. "Who is it?" John called out, as he stumbled out of bed. He felt a bit disoriented and realized had been deeply asleep.

The pounding continued.

John got pissed enough to_ think_ open the door, and he was more than a little surprised when Rodney came barreling inside. "Hey...you okay?" John asked. But it was the last words he got out because suddenly Rodney's hands were wrapped around his throat, choking him. John tried to pry the hands off him, even as he was shoved back into the wall. He felt himself blacking out and suddenly he was free. His knees buckled and John hung his head as he tried to suck in a lungful of air. He forced his head up, but Rodney was gone. John coughed for a moment, then he got to his feet. He tugged on his boots and left his room.

The first person he ran into was Weir.

Her eyes went wide when she saw him and she gripped his shoulders to steady him. "Major...what happened?" Her eyes were locked on his neck.

"Rodney..." the word came out soft and rough and John coughed again.

"What about Rodney? Is he in danger?" Elizabeth almost shook him.

John pulled back and shook his head. "No...he...he was in my room and he was choking me." It sounded wrong to John's ears. Rodney wasn't violent and he wouldn't have any reason to want to hurt John, unless he was having some other reaction to the stuff they drank. John was worried. "We have to find him before he hurts someone."

Elizabeth grabbed his arm and locked her eyes on his face. "John...Rodney couldn't have choked you."

"I saw him!" But even as he spoke, John felt his spidey sense tingle. Something was wrong.

"I just came from Rodney's lab, major. I've been there for the past half hour." Weir looked upset. "So Rodney couldn't have choked you. But someone did." She reached out and touched his neck, then she tapped her earpiece.

Suspicion niggled at John. "What are you doing?"

Elizabeth held his glare. "Calling Beckett."


	11. Chapter 11

  
Don't Drink the Water…part eleven 

Sheppard watched as Elizabeth radioed Beckett, but something was wrong. He didn't know what, but he felt it. On a whim, one he was sure he'd pay for later, he took off down the hall, going to find McKay on his own.

He heard Elizabeth shouting after him, but he was already in the transporter. He got out, and headed straight for Rodney's lab, and was surprised to find it empty. What the -? Elizabeth had just stood in front of him and told him that McKay was here.

He was struck by a wave of intense dizziness, and he put a hand against the wall. He heard footsteps, and saw Elizabeth and Carson approaching with guards. What was going on here?

Another wave of dizziness, and he felt himself slipping to the floor. Hands grabbed him, and eased him down, murmurs of platitudes, that it'd be all right, met his ears before everything shut down.

OoO

"Will he be alright?"

Sheppard moved his eyes, but didn't open them. He wanted to listen, and find out information before letting on that he was awake.

"Aye, that drug's got a nasty after effect. Teyla and Ford brought me a sample, and I've identified the component. It's similar to LSD, very strong hallucinogen. He'll recover, but he and Rodney are going to have a very interesting next few days, I'd wager." The brogue gave away Beckett, and Sheppard idly wondered if _this_ wasn't the hallucination.

He heard Elizabeth sigh. "What about Rodney?"

"Same thing, it's already begun."

John opened his eyes. "LSD, huh?" he said, and it was with a high degree of skepticism, because, damn it, he'd know if he was drugged.

Carson and Elizabeth turned guilty eyes towards him. "So that little trip I just took with McKay choking me, wasn't real?"

Beckett was eyeing him oddly. "Well," he coughed self-consciously. "Not exactly."

"Not exactly _how_?"

Elizabeth stepped forward. "McKay did choke you. He broke free during a bathroom break, and he thought they were hurting you…"

"So he tried to kill me?" said Sheppard, thinking they were all a little nuts, not just him and McKay.

"He thought he was helping you. He tried to help you ascend." Beckett explained this time.

Sheppard stared at them incredulously. He'd heard about ascended ancients after the run-in with the entity. He'd cornered McKay and found out more about that ascension, which included a debrief regarding Daniel Jackson and his history.

"He tried to be my Oma," mused John, surprised by McKay's backward attempt at help.

Their attention was drawn to the object of conversation. McKay was thrashing in bed, pulling at his restraints and shouting for Sheppard. John looked at the others in surprise, "Has he been doing that?"

Beckett nodded. "For some reason, he's certain we're out to hurt you, and we can't reassure him."

"Let me up," ordered Sheppard, tugging ineffectively at his own restraints.

"I'm sorry, but no, we can't do that John. You're under the same effect as Rodney." Elizabeth looked regretful, but firm.

"Well move me close then!" he shouted impatiently, because McKay's fighting against the restraints was getting more violent, and alarmed Sheppard.

At Elizabeth's nod, Carson waved over two nurses, and they unlocked the wheels, pushing his bed next to McKay's. "McKay!" shouted John, trying to get Rodney's attention. "Rodney, I'm here! I'm fine, nobody is hurting me."

McKay's fighting against the restraints slowly came to a halt, and his eyes fluttered open. "Major?"

"It's me, McKay, right here, as trussed up as you, but fine."

Rodney turned his head towards me, and Sheppard could see a glazed moistness to McKay's eyes, and it made John swallow the own lump growing inside. "Why are they doing this to us?" asked Rodney, sounding lost and alone.

Sheppard was about to answer, but Elizabeth stepped forward. "Rodney, the drink you had, there's a drug in it, and it's very dangerous for us. Teyla had a natural immunity against it, but you and the Major didn't. Carson is taking care of you, please, trust us."

McKay kept his eyes on Sheppard, but they drifted shut after only a short period. It hadn't been a long episode, but it'd left John shaken. "Have I been like…"

Beckett adjusted McKay's restraints, and tucked his blanket back in place, avoiding eye contact with Sheppard. "Yes, Major. Both of you, in and out."

Sheppard fixed his eyes on something away from the two people paying him far too much attention now. "How much longer?"

John could hear Beckett shrugging, even though he wasn't watching the Doctor. "Not much longer…I hope."

Sheppard closed his eyes. He wished it were over now. He'd thought it was…and it'd seemed so real. He wasn't aware that he was falling asleep until the next hallucination began…


	12. Chapter 12

  
Don't Drink the Water…part twelve 

Rodney ran through the corridors of Atlantis, his way littered with bodies. Dead bodies. Blood slicked the floor and a couple of times he lost his balance as he skidded through a pool of it. Everyone was dead. Beckett was dead, Zelenka, Kavanagh. Everyone. Rodney was beginning to believe he was the only one left alive when he heard a gunshot. He veered to his left and kept running, making his way to the Gateroom where he skidded to a halt.

Lying on the platform was Dr. Weir's dead body. Standing over her, holding a gun, was Sheppard. Rodney swallowed hard, forcing back the bile that was creeping up from his gut. He locked eyes with the major. "What have you done?"

"I saved them," Sheppard whispered. He was pale and spattered with blood. "I saved them, Rodney. They were going to die anyway. So I saved them."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Rodney stumbled up the steps. "They're dead! All of them! You killed everyone!"

Sheppard moved to the stairs and sat down, heavily, the gun still in his right hand but hanging between his knees. "They were going to die anyway, Rodney. The Wraith are coming, and they would have sucked the life out of everyone. Ask Sumner...this is better." Before Rodney could respond Sheppard waved his hand and gave a short bark of cold laughter. "Oops...nevermind. He's dead too. Yeah...I killed him too."

Rodney took a step closer. "I'm still alive, major."

"I'm sorry." Sheppard's voice was broken.

"Sorry?" Rodney echoed. He didn't understand.

Sheppard lifted his head and his eyes were dark and shiny. "I did this, Rodney. I woke them up. I killed everyone. My fault."

Rodney didn't know what to say...or what to do. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Sheppard was rising to his feet, gun at the ready. Rodney knew he was going to die. "So...now it's my turn? You're going to save me too?"

"I wish...I wish I could," Sheppard whispered.

"Major --" Rodney began, but he broke off when he realized what Sheppard had planned. The Beretta was now pressed to John's temple, finger curled over the trigger. "NO!" Rodney screamed, leaping forward. Then everything went black.

OoO

Carson was sitting between Sheppard and McKay's beds. Trying to keep an eye on both, but he was tired and had dozed off a bit when the alarms on the heart monitors went off. Both monitors. Carson called for a nurse even as he checked on Sheppard's vitals. A nurse ran in and didn't ask questions. She simply did the same for McKay. "What the hell!" Carson hissed, as he went to work on his friends.

An hour later he sat in his office, facing Dr. Weir. "I don't know what happened," Carson admitted. "All I can tell you is that they both appear to be in a semi-coma."

"You said their heart monitors went off at the same time?" Elizabeth prompted.

"Aye. Strangest thing, really."

Elizabeth rubbed her forehead. "So what happens now? When will they wake up?" She asked when because she wouldn't accept anything less. Sheppard and McKay had to get better. She needed them both.

Carson sighed. "All we can do now is play the waiting game. Sorry."

"Keep me posted," Elizabeth requested, then she left the room.

Carson went back to his patients, offering a silent prayer as he kept vigil.

OoO

John woke up first, feeling weak and disoriented, but Beckett was there, giving him a sip of water and smiling at him. After a few minutes John was able to ask what happened. He listened to Carson's explanation and blew off the good doctor's questions about what he remembered by mumbling he was tired. Which he was. John then curled up on his side, facing Rodney's bed, and closed his eyes. But he wasn't sleeping. He was listening to Rodney breathe.

An hour later, Rodney woke up. He reacted much the way John had, and said just about as much. He played the tired card as well then curled up facing Sheppard. "You okay?" Rodney asked.

"Fine," John replied, then he shifted onto his back and called for Carson. "Can I get a shower?"

"If you don't mind company," Carson agreed. "You won't be steady on your feet."

John shrugged. "That's fine." 

Rodney watched them go. When the nurse brought him some soup he took one swallow then made to set it aside. He wasn't hungry. But when she glared at him and threatened to have Beckett insert a feeding tube, Rodney finished off the mug. Then he waited for the major to return.

John avoided Rodney's gaze as he settled back into bed. He closed his eyes.

"Ready for your shower?" Carson asked Rodney.

"Sounds good." Rodney accepted Beckett's help and headed off. He felt better as he slid back into bed. He looked over at Sheppard. The major appeared to be asleep. So Rodney closed his own eyes, but he didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to remember.

OoO

Two days later they were released. The toxin was out of their systems. No more hallucinations or episodes of any kind. They were released to their quarters for twenty-four hours, then they could go back to light duty.

Rodney went to his room and stayed about ten minutes. Then he headed straight for Sheppard's room. He knocked loudly. No response. "Major...you can open the damn door or I will!" It was not an idle threat and they both knew it. The door slid open and Rodney stepped inside. He saw Sheppard on the bed, a book in his lap. "We need to talk."

"We've done nothing but talk for the past two days," John countered, quietly. He set the book aside and slid his legs over the side of the bed.

"We chatted about the weather and math and Hockey versus football. We even chatted about food. But we did NOT Talk!" Rodney snarled. Then he folded his hands over his chest and glared at Sheppard. "But we are going to talk now."

John ran his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end more than usual. "What do you want to talk about, Rodney?" His tone revealed that he was resigned to this.

Rodney relaxed a bit. "What did you dream about?"

"I don't remember."

"Liar!" Rodney moved closer. "What did you dream about, major? You might as well just tell me, because I'm not leaving until you do."

John glared at him. "I didn't dream!" he snapped. "We were tripping, remember? Stoned out of our minds. WE didn't dream, we hallucinated!" Now he was standing and almost yelling.

Rodney held his ground. "Fine! Then tell me what the fuck you hallucinated about!" He waited but John just continued to glare at him. Rodney exhaled loudly. "Fine...I'll tell you what I hallucinated and I'm betting it was the same trip you were on."

"Get out." John pushed Rodney towards the door.

"You killed everyone!" Rodney hissed, as he dug in his heels and pushed back. "You killed everyone but me and then you shot yourself!" He was angry and shaking and he could see that Sheppard was shaking as well. And he watched the major grow pale, then Sheppard stumbled back and dropped down onto his bed.

John rubbed his hands over his face then whispered. "So...I guess I projected my guilt to you?"

Rodney felt his anger fade away and he moved to sit down next to Sheppard. "Yeah...I guess so. So...um...you want to talk about it?" He felt awkward and uncertain in making the offer, but he knew Sheppard needed to deal with this and he wanted to help. "Cause...you know what happened...the Wraith waking up and all...that's not your fault, Major. It would have happened anyway."

"Yeah...thanks for saying that, Rodney." John sounded unconvinced as he pushed up to his feet. "Look...um...I have to go." And then he was out the door a heartbeat later.

"Shit..." Rodney whispered, to the empty room. He stood up but then he sat back down again. He wasn't going to let Sheppard run away from this. Friends helped friends through the rough patches and Rodney was going to figure out how this _friends_ thing worked. Whether Sheppard liked it or not.


	13. Chapter 13

**Don't Drink the Water…part thirteen**

McKay and Sheppard stepped through the gate, greeting the waiting Iskalan's with cheery smiles, no matter how forced they may be, that eased the tension in the welcoming party. They were back to pick up the eskalab beans, a milk run, and they both knew it.

"It is nice to see that the Haema did not do any lasting damage, Major Sheppard," said Jeram. "We did not realize it would be dangerous to your people."

Sheppard couldn't blame the guy, and aside from that last trip, it did have its moments. "It's not your fault, Jeram. Don't worry about it."

"We had fun there for a while," rejoined McKay, for once being polite instead of abrasive, but Sheppard had a hunch he was recalling the shaving cream spilling over Elizabeth Weir's head, and the fact they'd gotten by without so much as a stern look. One of the perks of taking a ride on the wild side of a Pegasus galaxy drink that could rival any powerful earth drug.

Jeram was beaming with relief, but his next words caused the grins to fall from John and Rodney's face. "That is wonderful news. My daughters are anxious to see you both again!" He extended his hand, indicating for the two men to take the lead. "Come, let us go and visit before you must return."

OoO

It hadn't taken long, at least not to the two men dreading the daughter's visit, to reach the village. Ailyn and Seleya were indeed delighted to see them, and proceeded to spend the next two hours fawning over the men, and copiously groping with each opportunity.

After the two hours were up, and they'd enjoyed a different drink, this time a Tamuree, made for the children and identified as safe, they made their polite excuses, secured the cargo for transport and informed Jeram they'd be back with a vehicle to take the eskalab back to Atlantis.

They headed back on the path to the gate, neither looking forward to the five mile trip, and thinking that it wouldn't go near as fast as the trip to the village had. Amazing that when you dread something, time seems to speed up in an infinitesimal way, bringing that painful moment to hand.

"So, did Seleya get you in the crotch?" asked Sheppard casually.

McKay spluttered some of the Tamuree he was drinking in a portable cup the Iskalan's had provided for the two. "Major!"

Sheppard grinned innocently. "Please, the way she was on you, I'm surprised you two didn't go off and find a hut somewhere."

McKay stopped, and pointed a finger at Sheppard. "Let's get something straight, _Captain Kirk_, the only one in that room in need of privacy was you. I swear I saw tongue," he said disgustedly.

"Tongue?" Sheppard repeated with mock horror. "I'm sure I saw _your_ hand going places it shouldn't have."

"You were looking?"

"No, I wasn't looking," said Sheppard, and he was already starting to laugh. "I made that one up!"

McKay gave Sheppard a shove, and stormed off towards the gate. "You're an ass, you know that?"

Sheppard continued to grin. "So I've been told."

They fell quiet, the easy camaraderie feeling good after the tense moments after they'd recovered from the Haema. John took a drink of his Tamuree, and a thought occurred to him. He capped it, and smiled up at McKay.

Rodney looked over at John, "Oh no, what?"

Sheppard kept the innocent look plastered on his face. "It's nothing…bad."

"You've got that look on your face, the same one as when you filled that glove with shaving cream," remembered McKay. "And who took the blame for that?"

Sheppard considered it. "Neither of us, remember? She figured we were too far under the influence to be blamed."

"Oh, right." McKay crinkled his forehead. "Still, this can't be good."

"Well, you see, we've got this stuff the Iskalans gave us," Sheppard held up his jug of Tamuree. "I was thinking, we could pull of a practical joke, you know…lighten the mood."

McKay frowned. "Who is the intended victim?"

"Weir…mostly. Beckett, possibly."

"What do you want me to do?" sighed McKay. In for a penny, in for a pound…

OoO

"Incoming wormhole…it's Major Sheppard," Grodin announced.

Elizabeth Weir looked over the balcony, at the gate. "Lower the shield," she ordered.

No sooner than Peter had lowered the shield, did McKay and John stumble through…singing. It was another horrid rendition of _row, row, row your boat_, and they were swaying alarmingly.

She felt her stomach rise to her throat. They couldn't have! Not again, knowing it was dangerous. "Get a medical team up here, stat!" she ordered rushed down the stairs.

"Major, Doctor! Explain yourselves!" She was standing in front of the two men, who'd stopped their forward progress when she'd blocked their path. They appeared bleary-eyed, and euphoric. And both were drinking out of some kind of Iskalan canteen.

"We had a great time, Elizabeth," slurred Rodney, grinning widely.

Sheppard removed a hand from McKay's back, and clapped the other over Weirs back, pulling her in tight. "We sure did, those Iskabobs sure can throw a party!"

Weir extracted herself from Sheppard, which sent him stumbling to the ground, and he dragged McKay with him, the two landing in an undignified heap. McKay uttered a pleased belch, and grinned wider. "And the women are…"

Sheppard slugged him, "Not so much," he hissed. Then put on a sloppy smile. "We brought back extra this time, want some?" He was slurring his words just enough to sound inebriated, but understandable.

It was at that moment that Carson arrived, with Ford, Bates and a few other security men armed with stunners. He took one look at the pair, and rolled his eyes. "Not again, you two," he muttered, before kneeling near Sheppard.

Elizabeth was probably angrier than Sheppard had seen before, and he was fast getting the feeling it was time to end this little joke. "Uh, actually, it was just a little prank," and he stood up, swaying a bit because he slipped on some of the Tamuree that had spilled out of his jug when he'd fallen into McKay, a previously discussed display.

Rodney realized the gig was up as well. "Actually, the drink in here is perfectly safe." He held up his jug, and tried to get to his feet, failing to realize it was slippery, and he fell back on his rear, hard.

John frowned, realizing this wasn't doing a lot to aid their situation. Elizabeth looked like she'd believe the sky was red before believing they were only joking. "Really, I swear. We thought it'd be funny…"

"To what, Major? Act drunk, and high off the same drink that sent you two flying higher than a kite for days last week, and had half the city in an uproar?"

Sheppard swallowed. "Well, when you put it that way…"

McKay was remaining suspiciously quiet. Elizabeth pegged them with a cold, calculating glare, and it was at that moment they both realized the shaving cream incident hadn't entirely been forgotten. "Doctor Beckett, I believe you have tests to run on these two?" she said, pointedly not looking at either one.

Beckett looked at Sheppard and McKay, and then back at Weir, and she fixed him with a look that said it all. He coughed awkwardly, "Aye, I'll run some tests, and they'll have to be restrained, you know…can't have them running willy nilly through Atlantis like last time, can we now?"

"We certainly can't," Weir agreed emphatically. She turned to head back to her office, leaving Sheppard and McKay with their mouths gaped open. "Oh, and Carson, don't wear yourself out in rushing this, it's not a matter of urgency."

With that last hit she headed back up the stairs. Sheppard and McKay recovered, and started backing away from the security team. McKay eyed the stunners nervously. "You wouldn't…"

Beckett was enjoying the situation too much. "I wouldn't, but they would," he smiled, indicating the security guards that they'd maimed in their previous escape attempt.

Sheppard realized then that he'd made a critical error in judgment. "I think we'd better go, now," he said, holding his hands up in resignation. "Let's not be hasty, guys." He wasn't going to risk being stunned. That sucked, pins and needles weren't an exaggeration.

They started walking to the infirmary, and McKay was glaring death in his eyes every time Sheppard looked over. "Would you stop that, how was I to know she'd react like that?"

"Because, Major…"

"Oh right, I'm all knowing, sorry, you took the job first, McKay," Sheppard hissed.

"Look, why don't we make a run for it, hide out in the Jumper, or something?" whispered McKay. Maybe if they hid out for long enough, they'd get tired of waiting, and put away the needles and restraints.

Sheppard was about to say maybe that wasn't such a bad idea, when a prod from a stunner in his back made him realize the error of his ways. "Too late," he said back.


	14. Chapter 14

  
Don't Drink the Water…part fourteen 

Beckett ran his tests and confirmed that Sheppard and McKay were not under the influence, again. He then set about lecturing his _patients_ before undoing Rodney's restraints.

The moment Rodney was free he gripped Beckett by the arm. "Before you free Sheppard, can I talk to you?"

John heard him and got suspicious. "McKay? What are you doing?" he demanded, and his tone was a dangerous growl.

"I'm talking...to Carson," Rodney shot back, with a glare.

"Be right back, Major," Carson stated, letting Rodney lead him off.

John tugged at his restraints while they were gone, wishing he could manipulate them the way he could Ancient technology. He'd think them off then be gone. But no such luck. He was still tugging on them when Rodney returned. Alone. John glared at him. "Get me out of these things! Now!"

Rodney winced, and looked regretful, then shook his head. "Sorry...I can't. Not yet."

"What the hell are you doing, Rodney?" John felt a bit desperate. He had a bad feeling about what was coming.

"I'm making sure you don't run away again," Rodney replied, as he grabbed a nearby stool and pulled it over to the bed.

John blinked at him. "Run away?" he echoed.

Rodney sighed. "From what's bothering you. And don't even start lying to me, major. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Yeah...I know...and I'm not talking about it," John shot back. He felt a dull ache between his eyes and wanted to rub it, but his hands were still trapped and he cursed beneath his breath before letting his head slump back against the pillow.

"What are you afraid of?" Rodney was nothing if not direct.

John closed his eyes; not wanting to see the way he knew Rodney was looking at him. With concern and a bit of anger, and intently. Rodney was always, disturbingly, focused. "Rodney...please don't do this." It was borderline begging and John didn't care.

Rodney sighed again. "What you dreamed about...it's bullshit. You know that, right? We're all responsible for waking the Wraith, Major. ALL of us. And as for killing everyone in Atlantis...that would never happen either. It was just a stoned dream, Major. That's all. A whacked out projection of your worst nightmare. It wasn't real."

"I know that, Rodney," John whispered. And he did know it, in his head. But that didn't mean he could shake off the memory of it. It didn't mean the guilt wasn't real, or the fear. Opening his eyes, John turned his head and looked at McKay. The man was staring back at him with concern shining from his bright eyes. "Don't worry about me," John told him. "I'm okay."

"Of course you are!" Rodney snapped back at him. "You're always okay. No matter what happens, Major John Sheppard is always OKAY! Must be nice being you, Mr. Okay!" Rodney was on his feet now as he ranted on. "But I have a newsflash for you! Now pay attention, Major, because I'm only going to say this once! You're not OKAY! You hear me? You've been through worst shit than I have. From before you even came to Atlantis. I mean...hello...you can manipulate your own reality and you think up DEAD PEOPLE? That's a rather disturbing trend...dontchathink?"

John did not want to hear this. He knew what Rodney was trying to do and he appreciated it, but he just wasn't ready for it. Everything felt too raw yet. He was too open and vulnerable and it felt like his insides just might ooze out if Rodney kept picking at his festering wounds. So he had to stop him. "Rodney!" John's voice was sharp and clear and commanding.

Rodney closed his mouth with a snap and glared at Sheppard.

"Not now," John requested, letting his eyes plead his case.

"You need to talk about this. There's Heightmeyer," Rodney reminded him. He knew John knew he was seeing her professionally.

John tugged on his restraints, because he had priorities here. "Please?" He was asking nicely.

Rodney expelled a rather ragged sigh then unbuckled Sheppard. "Going to run away again?" he asked, pointedly, as the major slid off the bed.

"I'm just going to go back to my room, take a shower, get dressed then go sit on the balcony for a while," John replied. "Why don't you meet me there in about an hour?" It was as close to an engraved invitation as he was going to get.

"Oh...okay. Sure." Rodney was a little slow to catch on, but when Sheppard smiled at him, he got it. "Hey...um...I smuggled in a bottle of Vodka. I could bring it."

John nodded. "Yeah...bring it." He knew neither one of them would drink enough to get sloshed, but a few hits would help them both to relax. And it was going to be a long night. John never talked about his feelings, but if Rodney was willing to make the effort to listen, the least he could do was try. Besides which, John knew that Rodney had a unique way of seeing things. So maybe, between the two of them, they could get past the bad stuff. Or at least find a way to live with it. Which is what John was used to doing. 

Rodney looked pleased. "Okay...one hour on the balcony. Oh...you wouldn't happen to have any chocolate left, would you?"

"I might," John allowed, then he patted Rodney on the shoulder, grinning at his puppy dog face. "See you in an hour," John said, then he turned and walked away, a smile firmly in place.

Life in the Pegasus Galaxy was good.

**THE END**


End file.
